Twenty Something On Interlude
By Namita Anup
It’s been an hour since the call with my friend overseas started. This was our annual ‘First month of the year’ call which just so happened to be the same month as her birthday. We were in the middle of talking about our new New year’s resolutions when I went,
“I should get into religion, maybe.”
My friend chuckled. “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”
Which is true, I didn’t.
“Well it isn’t exactly to follow God. It’s more so to read the texts and…I know this sounds cliche, but to
discover the ‘true meaning of life’.” I say halfheartedly.
“Wow, well. To tell you the truth, I don’t think there’s anything in those books that aren’t already in you.” she replied casually.
I paused. I suddenly remembered the monologue from ‘Fleabag’ where the main character confesses to the Priest (the irony being that she’s an atheist) about how she’s frightened about not knowing what to do with her life and feeling the need to have someone who would tell her what to do and what not to do constantly. I thought back to when I was 17 and watching that scene, not being able to relate since it felt like I had everything figured out back then.
I was so sure to become a doctor, something my nine year old self had decided when she wasn’t aware about Einstein’s and Newton’s laws about thermodynamics and energy exchange. But oh well, since I had my mind made up (apparently) I continued on that path, feeling that this IS what I wanted to do.
A blink and a year later, I realised I didn’t have it in me. This was not a field that I was cut out for. I was told it would be okay, but I felt more lost than ever. Suddenly I was back in my 4th grade classroom when we were asked to write out our ambitions, hobbies and interests on a tiny piece of paper. Except right now, my paper was blank. I didn’t know what my interests were nor did I know what talents I had.
“You should take literature. Easy way out. Doesn’t pay much though.”
“BBA? I could get you a job immediately!”
“Dude, take law and come to my college. We’ll have a blast!”
“Haven’t you considered engineering?”
“I didn’t take maths, Pa.”
At 23, I landed my first job at this start-up company for an HR position. Just for a while. Just until I figured things out.
At 25, I left my job. I found myself at a crossroads.I was embarrassed to admit that at 25 years old, at the age when most of the people in my family had started providing for their families, I truly did not know what to do with my life. I didn’t feel a push towards one specific direction, just a nudge towards a hundred others.
But maybe, admitting that I am lost would be the first step in figuring things out. And I know I’m not alone in this. I can’t be. I’ve had a conversation about this very topic with plenty of friends before..which is proof that this feeling is an unavoidable part of life.
It might even be necessary.
About The Piece
It's a small diary entry about how the youth these days often find themselves confused and lost so we try to make sense of it all in baby steps